What If
by rbhd27
Summary: What if Peter and Lara Jean had their fake relationship but didn’t want to admit they had feelings for each other? So Peter ended up back with Gen and Lara Jean... well, we’ll see.
1. What if...

Disclaimer: not my characters.

takes place after Lara Jean asks Peter if they should just call it because she over heard Peter and Gen talking on the bleachers *

•••••••••• Chapter 1

 _I can't help but feel like I'll seem more like a loser if I admit to Peter that overhearing him with Gen hurt my heart a little. By a little, I mean a lot. Here I am, talking to Josh about things and I don't feel anything for him. I was once so in love with Josh and Peter changed that. I want Peter. I feel so dumb for even agreeing to this fake relationship that I let myself fall for him. Especially knowing how obsessed he was over Gen._

As soon as Peter spotted Lara Jean talking to Josh in the hallway, his stomach turned to knots. He wasn't really the jealous type but he liked Lara Jean. She was different. He thought about her more than Gen which said a lot because as Lara Jean put it, he was obsessed with her. He called out to her and could see that Lara Jean had seen him already and broke away from Sanderson towards him.

Lara Jean walked a little faster than usual when she got to Peter. An indicator that something was bugging her.

"What do you think people are gonna say when they see my girlfriend cozying up to Sanderson?" Peter said with accusation in his voice.

"What do you think people are gonna say when they hear you're practically begging to get back with Gen on the bleachers?" Lara Jean shoots back.

Peter scoffs.

"So you're spying on me now?"

"Not intentionally." Lara Jean replies as they turn into a small empty hallway and face each other.

"So I was talking to Gen. So what? You don't even post about us on your instagram." Peter says.

"Cause I don't want my sisters to see." Lara Jean says with an implication of _duh!_

"Yeah, like Kitty's gonna care."

"I'm not talking about Kitty. I'm talking about Margot." Lara Jean replies before pausing for a moment.

"Look, Peter... (Peter immediately has his hands at his sides as if to say "cut" or "don't go there")

"...I don't think either one of us thought this was going to go down for this long but Josh and I are cool, Gen's officially jealous, I think that we need to call it." This is what Peter didn't want to hear.

"I can't believe you're trying to break up with me before the ski trip. That's in the contract!" Peter says.

"Only if we're still together."

"We are still together! You're just trying to pull out because you're scared."

"What do I have to be scared about?"

"You tell me Covey." His voice a little harsh.

Lara Jean thinks for a moment and Peter's eyebrows immediately show sadness.

"It doesn't make any sense to keep this going anymore. We've both achieved what we wanted. Why keep it going?" Lara Jean looks Peter in the eye and her heart is full of hope that he'll say something to change her mind.

Peter sighs. His face still sad. He can't bring himself to say what he's feeling so he goes along with Lara Jean. Logically, she's right.

"You're right. We both got what we wanted out of this and this should end. If not now then when?" He said.

Lara Jean gives him an small smile, "Thank you for helping me with Josh. Thank you for bringing me out of my comfort zone. Even if we were just pretending. Good bye... Peter Kavinsky." She turns to walk away and hide her face. She can feel the lump in her throat. Her body hot with emotions.

Peter grabs her arm.

"Hey Covey," he says softly. She stops walking but doesn't face him. "Don't be a stranger, okay?"

She smiles, but he can't see. She doesn't say anything because she knows if she does, she'll cry. Instead, Lara Jean pulls her arm away and gives him a thumbs up.

That was it. Kavinsky and Lara Jean broke up. The burning question of "what if?" Burning in their brain. But both too afraid to be that vulnerable with each other.

The school was buzzing with the news. So many scenarios of _Peter finally came to his senses_ and _Gen and her boyfriend broke up so Peter broke up with Lara Jean,_ although Peter and Gen weren't officially a couple again. Lara Jean quickly went back to being invisible to everyone, except Peter. He couldn't help but look for her in the hallways or cafeteria. Sometimes he found himself going to the diner hoping she'd be there. One time she was there, but she wasn't alone. Josh Sanderson was there and Peter was filled with jealousy. Peter quickly left before either one could see him. He was happy that Lara Jean didn't seem to be hurting. That they really were just pretending so "breaking up" didn't affect her. He thought she was really lucky to be able to do that.

What Peter couldn't see was how Lara Jean cleaned her room. To someone else that wouldn't seem like a big deal but for Lara Jean, it was a big gesture. She also baked so much that she had to go to her neighbors' houses and drop some off. She was distant from her family which made Kitty sad because Lara Jean was the closest to a mother figure after Margot. Lara Jean's dad gave her the space she needed. It made Lara Jean happy that he didn't pry because he had been so proud of her for branching out when she was with Peter that she didn't want him to be disappointed now that she's not.

The ski trip was only 2 weeks after Peter and Lara broke up. Naturally, Lara Jean didn't go. She didn't feel like she missed out on a lot. It didn't surprise her to hear that after the ski trip, Gen and Peter were a couple again. Gen had a smug look on her face anytime she saw Lara Jean. Lara Jean brushed it off like she had the last however many years Gen had deemed Lara Jean her enemy. But of course Lara Jean was hurt. She would catch Peter staring at her sometimes but most likely it was because she had been in his line of vision not because he wanted to. He gave her a smile anytime she met his eyes. She often thought about what he said that day, "don't be a stranger." But what did that really mean? Gen would flip if Peter had text Lara Jean or vice versa. So why would he say that? Did he only say that because he wanted to be on friendly terms with her? Because he felt like he had to say something?

Lara Jean noticed that he wasn't his old self with Gen. It almost seemed like he just tolerated her. Or maybe that was just Lara Jean in dreamland again.

One day after school, Kitty brought Lara Jean a notebook and a pen. "What's this for?" Lara Jean said. She had been laying on the couch watching The Office to cheer her up. She had been trying to watch funny things since her breakup with Peter to keep herself happy.

Kitty sighed. "I want my sister back." Lara Jean felt a pang of sadness. Had she really been that bad all this time? "I don't understand it, but last time you wrote your letters it was to close an open wound. You need to do it again. With Peter." She looked so grown up right then. Lara Jean sat up. Hugged her little sister even though Kitty quickly pulled away. Nodded at her sister and went to her room. She spent the rest of the night writing one last letter to Peter Kavinsky before placing it in an envelope and tucking it away in her hat box.

The rest of the school year went by like a breeze. It was the last day of school and it was pretty much a blow off day where the students cleaned out their lockers, signed yearbooks and chatted with friends.

Lara Jean was sitting in AP Lit reading a book while everyone around her was talking to friends, watching videos on their phone or wandering the hallway when Chris came in with a twinkle in her eye.

"What's up with you Chris?" Lara Jean said amused.

"Oh nothing." She said with a smirk on her face looking down at her feet. This made Lara Jean curious. "Tell me!" She demanded.

"I heard that my dear cousin broke up with PK."

She said and immediately stared at Lara Jean with such happiness in her eyes. Lara Jean's heart did a flip but didn't let it show. What did it matter that Peter was single? It's not like he even liked Lara Jean.

Despite Chris' face full of hope, Lara Jean calmly said, "That's nice.. or I guess sad? I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say here."

Chris let out an _UGH_. "You're supposed to be thrilled! You can get back with Kavinsky! Come on LJ, you were a different person with him. Not that I don't like you now or before PK, but you were so happy."

Lara Jean doesn't know what to say so she doesn't say anything, just continues to read her book hoping Chris takes the hint. She does. "Fine. I just wanted to tell you what I heard. Anyway... want to go outside? School is almost over." Lara Jean doesn't think long about it, "Sure, I cleaned out my locker already so I'm ready to go home." They head outside and spend the rest of the period talking and listening to music before Lara Jean heads down to her car to wait for Kitty.

After Lara Jean drops Kitty off at home, she heads to the diner for a last day of school tradition she had with Margot. She invited Kitty but Kitty said her friend Allison was going to come over so they could plan their summer.

When Lara Jean walked in she didn't notice the familiar face sitting in a booth staring at her. She was trying to get her keys in her purse before going to sit at one of the stools near the front.

"Hey Covey." Lara Jean looked up but not at the voice who said it. Her heart sank. She finally turned her head to face him and there he was. Peter Kavinsky. Handsome as ever. Looking at her.

"Hi Peter." She turned her head to her purse, wanting to get her phone out so she could avoid whatever this was between Peter and her. She found her phone and placed it in front of her while Peter moved from a booth to a stool not far away from her. Almost exactly like the first time she met him here all those months ago that started their fake relationship. Except that time, she felt nothing for Peter and this time she felt everything.

"How have you been?" He asked. Lara Jean turned and faced him.

"As good as I can be. I heard about Gen. I'm sorry. I know how much you like her and I hoped things worked out between you guys after... us." Lara Jean couldn't believe she had said that out loud. She was comfortable with Peter but the boy was probably heart broken and she said everything without thought. She started to explain herself, "I just mean-"

"Liked." He said it without hesitating. Without a doubt. Lara Jean saw Peter's expression change. It wasn't sadness. It wasn't happiness. It was content. Was he actually happy to not be with Gen? The letters had worked before. But this time, everything she tried to hide away in her hatbox. She couldn't help it. Peter was here. The closest she's been with him in months. Staring at her. Staring at her with those eyes that could make Lara Jean fall in love with him in a heartbeat.


	2. A Lack of Color

*Thank you for the kind comments. I haven't written stories in years so excuse me as I try to find my footing and formatting* 

I want to include things from the movie and books, 

Disclaimer: not my characters 

Chapter 2

Peter watches as Lara Jean leaves him in the hallway after breaking up. He's sad. He wants to tell her so badly that he's in love with her. That he sees Gen as nothing but a friend. Maybe not even that. He was tired of being in her cat and mouse game but despite how awful of a person she was, he couldn't be that mean to her.

The ski trip came and went. Peter found himself with Gen again. Obnoxious as ever. But something changed and both Gen and Peter knew it. For one, they hadn't had a lot of sex. Not for Gen's lack of trying. The few times they did, Peter had to dig deep inside himself to follow through and though he didn't want to admit it, Lara Jean crossed his mind longer than he'd like to admit.

He couldn't understand why he was with Gen anymore. She didn't make him happy and they never talked about anything with substance.

It didn't come as a shock that the last day of school, after lunch, Peter received a text from Gen.

 _We need to talk. Meet me at the bleachers._

"Great." Peter mumbled to herself.

Teachers didn't care where kids went today. So long as they had some idea that they were staying on school grounds.

Gen was sitting with Emily, who immediately got up and making her way down the bleachers looking at Peter with a "I'd hate to be you right now" look. At this point, Peter didn't care.

"What's up Gen?" He sat down next to her. Hands in his jacket pockets. Even though it was warm outside, it was cold inside and he forgot to take it off.

"Peter. I don't know if you've noticed but something isn't right between us." She waited for Peter to say something but he just looked at her with no emotion in his eye.

"We're not having as much sex as we were, you don't give me input on my outfits, and you don't post about me anymore on Instagram. I haven't done anything wrong. I'm not sure what's happening with you." Wow. For the first time, she was showing that she actually paid attention to him. It didn't matter to Peter anymore though.

"Gen. You're right." She looked shocked.

"After we broke up the first time, I was hurt because you threw away our years together for a college dude that you didn't even last with. My feelings for you changed because I saw how much I really meant to you. You strung me along and I don't even know why I let you do that when I was happy with Lara Jean." Her eyes immediately shoot him daggers.

"I think we should break up." He said standing up and lightly shrugging his shoulders.

"Why? So you can run back to Lara Jean?" She stood up too, arms folded.

"If I do, it's none of your business."

Gen looked shocked. But of course. Gen being Gen, didn't let it show that he had gotten to her. Instead she said, "Fine. I know you won't last with her. You'll always be my sloppy seconds Peter. I'll make sure the world knows it." With a smile on her face, she walked away.

Peter couldn't understand how such a pretty face was so ugly on the inside. Gen's words didn't matter to him though, they didn't even sting. Because they didn't hold any weight for him. Peter walked away happier than ever. He finally had a chance to admit to himself what he'd been feeling for months. He wanted to be with Lara Jean.

Peter rushes to the diner after school remembering that Lara Jean had told him that her and Margot went on the last day of school. He sat in the booth close to window behind the stools because he had a hunch she'd be alone and sit there.

 _What if Sanderson is with her?_ He thought. Suddenly, that scenario came to mind and was about to get up and leave when he saw her car pull up. A wave of relief flooded him when he saw she was alone. Come to think of it, she had been driving a lot since they broke up and she seemed to not be so anxious about it anymore.

She was wearing a red peacoat because despite it being the start of summer, Virginia still had chilly nights. Her hair was up in a ponytail with a pink bow. She was wearing a pink cami under a beige cardigan and moss green skinny jeans, paired with black flats. He loved her style.

She didn't see him.

He never felt like he needed courage for something until it came to Lara Jean. So he pulled himself together and said, "Hey Covey."

He watched as her eyes and head stared straight ahead as she registered who said her name. She composed herself and turned to face him.

"Hi Peter." Lovelier words had never been spoken.

"How have you been?" He didn't know what to say in this moment but he was happy she was here and so was he.

She gave him that cute side smile and said, "As good as I can be. I heard about Gen. I'm sorry. I know how much you like her and I hoped things worked out between you guys after... us." He could instantly see how she second guessed herself and started to explain herself when Peter cut her off.

"Liked." He said this with no sadness in his voice. But he wanted Lara Jean to know. She stared at him. What he would give to peek inside her mind that moment.

He knew this was his chance. He had to tell her. But why was it so hard?

"Lara Jean, I want to ask you something but I don't know why I can't." She looked at him intently, hands in her lap.

"You know you can talk to me about anything, Peter. Surprisingly I opened up to you more than I did with anyone else."

This made Peter happy and scared. Was this growing up? Finding someone you could talk to, be an open book with? He smiled at her.

"I broke up with Gen because I'm in love with you Lara Jean." He tried to read her reaction. Her eyebrows raised, she looked away. Had he made a mistake?

"Oh." Was all that Lara Jean said. She turned her face to look at her phone before looking back at him. Peter was actually embarrassed that she didn't react the way he'd hoped. But what did he expect? Bells and whistles? For her to immediately jump in his arms and kiss him? The latter, he decided.

"I thought you were going to ask me to be your fake girlfriend to make Gen jealous again." She said and looked at him with a smirk before they both started laughing like they'd been friends all this time.

They were interrupted by Joan. Who had been watching them and saw this as the perfect opportunity to take their order. Maybe she saw the awkwardness and tension lifting.

"What can I get you two today?"

"I'll have a chocolate shake," Peter said.

"Can I get one too, please?"

Joan smiled and walked away.

"So what do you say Lara Jean?"

"I mean, what am I supposed to say? That I've liked you all this time and hoped this exact thing would've happened months ago?" Peter gave her a look of _Well, yeah._

"That's exactly what I wished would've happened months ago." She said before turning away again, the smile fading from her face.

"What's the matter? If this is what you wanted, why does that make you sad?" He said, concerned.

"It's just that, I like you Peter. I've liked you for months. But like I told you before, the more people you let in, the easier it is for them to walk out. I'm scared to enter whatever this is leading to with you knowing it was so easy to break." She was facing him again but not looking at him. She looking at the her hands.

Peter felt guilty. He knew why Lara Jean closed herself off to new people. The fact that she categorized him and was using him as a reason to keep herself closed off made him sadder than the day they fake broke up.

Peter moved to the stool next to her and took her hands in his.

"Lara Jean, I never wanted to hurt you. I loved you before we broke up. I was scared of how I felt because even though I had been with Gen for years, I never felt so strongly about her as I do for you."

She looked up at him. He leaned in and kissed her. He'd been wanting to for so long. Sure, he had kissed her three times before. Once in 7th grade after a party, the second time after she tackled him to the ground to avoid Josh, and the third time when she agreed to be in a fake relationship. This time was different. Because it was the beginning of a real relationship, or so he hoped.


	3. You Make It Easy

Disclaimer: not my characters

Lara Jean still can't believe she heard the most handsome boy she's ever seen say he loved her.

For once, her real life was better than her dream world.

A real kiss. It had all the elements of how it's portrayed in books and movies. The sparks, the butterflies, the rush of hormones that erupted within Lara Jean out of nowhere. Peter Kavinsky awoke something in her.

Lara Jean realized they were still at the diner and pulled away embarrassed. It's not that she doesn't want the whole world to see her with Peter but PDA besides holding hands, hugs, and quick kisses should be saved for more intimate times.

Peters grins. "What do you say, Covey?"

Lara Jean looks at him a bit confused. Did he ask her something before the kiss and she forgot?

"Will you be my _real_ girlfriend?" His grin replaced with a soft smile waiting on her.

There was something endearing about the way he asked. It cemented their relationship. There was no confusion, no questions. Peter Kavinsky like Lara Jean and wanted her to be his.

"Yes!" Without thinking, Lara Jean hopped off the stool gave Peter a quick kiss on his cheek.

"Aw come on, Covey. After a kiss like that, I just get a kiss on the cheek?" He said.

"We're in public, Peter."

"Didn't stop you before..." He said with a smirk. Her face red, she turned to go to the bathroom.

Once in the bathroom, Lara Jean splashed water on her face and pinched herself. It's not that Lara Jean had low self-esteem but Peter was so handsome that heads turned when he walked by. She felt so quaint next to him. Of course she liked him but what if this was a mistake? What if this was just leading to heartbreak? It hurt so much the last time and that was "fake" but she just agreed to be Peter's REAL girlfriend, how could she survive a real breakup.

 _Get it together, Lara Jean._ She said in her head.

 _Don't doom this relationship before it starts. Peter knows how you feel about letting people in. He wouldn't hurt you._

Lara Jean grabbed a paper towel from the sink, blotted her face and left the bathroom.

She immediately saw her. Genevieve. Sitting next to Peter, his hand over her shoulders, whispering to each other. Gen got up and left the diner, not before noticing Lara Jean was there and even though they didn't meet eyes, Lara Jean could see she had been crying. Not surprising, she still looks pretty when she cries.

Peter saw Lara Jean and immediately said, "She just wanted to see if she could call me later."

"So she just knew where to find you?" Lara Jean said, without trying to sound defensive.

Peter got up and walked over to Lara Jean who was standing 5 feet away from him. He grabbed her arm and pulled her towards him into a hug.

"I text her and told her where I was before you got here. Covey, please don't be jealous. You're MY girl. Mine." He gave her a kiss on her head.

Lara Jean knew she should trust Peter but she shouldn't trust Gen. She pulled away from Peter. "I'm not jealous. I don't understand your relationship with her." She sat down and started to unwrap her straw since their milkshakes arrived while she went to the bathroom. Peter sat next to her.

"Covey, I don't want to talk about Gen. I want to be here. With you." He said, his voice almost pleading.

"Peter. This is my first "real" relationship. I honestly wouldn't have a problem with you texting another girl who was your friend, but this is Gen. The girl has been in love with you since middle school. She stared daggers at me last year when we were together. I don't doubt that she's not scheming something. I don't want to be 2nd to her." Peter grabbed her hands and turned her toward him.

"I know Gen and I are weird. She's been going through some stuff and I'm the only one she'll talk to. I promise you that if I feel like she's wanting more than just a friend, I'll drop her immediately. She's just sad right now. And it's not because of us breaking up. I broke up with her for YOU, Covey. I can't get you out of mind." He placed his hands on either side of her head and pulled her to him, giving her a kiss on the forehead. There's just something about forehead kisses that make a girl melt. There's 100 times more to forehead kisses coming from the most handsome boy in the world. Lara Jean looked at Peter and said, "Okay. I trust you."

They spent the rest of the time at the diner finishing their milkshakes and trying to fill in each other on what had happened in the 5 months they were away from each other.

Lara Jean told Peter of how she finally told Margot about everything, including Josh. She could see how the mention of Josh made Peter clench his teeth. She kept going with her story and told him of how Kitty confessed to sending out the letters. "I have to remember to thank that kid."

"Don't. We don't want her ego to get as big as yours." Lara Jean added.

"Ouch." Peter said, standing up and reaching for his wallet. Without a thought, Lara Jean pulled out her purse and was about to pay.

"Woah, woah, woah. What are you doing?" Peter asked.

"I was leaving cash?" She said.

"I got you. You're my girlfriend now." He said in that Peter way. He placed the money on the counter and draped his arm over her shoulders and walked them out. The word "my girlfriend" made Lara Jean smile. She still couldn't believe it. It was now 7pm. The outside weather was beautiful but mainly because Lara Jean still had butterflies from Peter. It was cooler now than earlier. They walked and stood next to her car.

"Hey, I noticed you're driving more." Peter said.

"Yeah, I'm still a little nervous but I figured since I'm the oldest of the house now, I should be a good example to Kitty. Even though she still refuses to get in the car without a helmet." This made Peter laugh.

"Well, tell Kitty that she doesn't need a helmet anymore since I'll be around."

He took a step forward towards Lara Jean. And put his hands on the sides of her waist.

"I really missed you." He said.

"I missed you too."

"You have no idea how-" Lara Jean cut him off by placing her lips on his. Peter immediately stepped forward making Lara Jean's back touch her car. He cupped her face in his hands and his kiss intensified. His tongue and hers meeting halfway. His hands traveled to the small of her back which made Lara Jean quiver and realize they were still in the parking lot of the diner. They both pulled away, a little out of breath.

"Wow, Covey. What got into you?" Peter said licking his lips. Lara Jean blushed.

"No, no, I really liked it but I thought you didn't want public displays of affection?" He said with his eyebrow cocked.

"Like you said, it didn't stop me before."

"Is- is Lara Jean Song Covey flirting with _me_? Right now?" He had the biggest smile on his face when he noticed she was cold.

"Hey, do you want me to follow you home? I don't want to go home yet." He said with puppy eyes.

Lara Jean hadn't thought about what her family would say. Her dad and Kitty would probably be thrilled. Margot, not so much. But Margot wasn't set to come home until a couple of weeks so she'd think of what to say then.

"Sure. My dad is working but he'll be home soon. I know Kitty will be happy to see you."

Peter gave her a quick kiss on the lips and said with a wink,

"I'll save the passionate one for later." He opened her car door. Lara Jean rolled her eyes and smiled. She got in and Peter shut her door and made his way to his Jeep.

Lara Jean couldn't stop smiling. She felt like her dreams were coming true and nothing could bring her down. Peter Kavinsky was officially her boyfriend. She wanted to scream it at the top of her lungs. It's not that Lara Jean was "boy crazy," it's that this boy made her crazy. Why did she kiss him like that? She hopes Peter didn't get the wrong idea and thought she wanted more than a kiss anytime soon. Except, maybe she did. Lara Jean blushed and busted out laughing to herself. Who was she right now? Who was this girl that all of a sudden had these urges? She was sure it was teen hormones and made a mental note to google them later so she could be prepared for the future.

She realized that she was home. A pair of headlights pulled up behind her. Peter. Her heart did a flip. She had seen him not even 15 minutes ago and she was giddy again.

Lara Jean got out and walked up the front steps. Peter came up behind her and hugged her as she opened the door.

"Peter!" She said half-playing, half-serious.

"I'm sorry. I just can't believe this real."

Lara Jean was taken aback, but before she could say anything Kitty saw Peter.

"Peter!" She said. She immediately ran, pushed Lara Jean out of the way and hugged Peter. It was a big deal that Kitty actually _hugged_ and show that much emotion towards anyone. Of course Peter was eating it up, grinning like a fool.

"Hey Kitty! I take it you didn't miss me."

Kitty somewhat composed herself, "No. Of course not." She walked back and sat on top of the kitchen island counter. She looked at Peter then Lara Jean.

"So... does this mean you guys are back together?"

She was so excited.

"Lara Jean just couldn't get enough me." Peter said slyly before walking over and plopping down on the couch.

Kitty hopped off the counter and grabbed a plate of cookies Lara Jean made that morning before going to sit with Peter.

"I'm glad. You both have been sad and it wasn't any fun for me." Kitty said.

Lara Jean walked over to the couch and stood in front of them. Which came with protests.

"What do you mean, we've "both" been sad? Have you been talking to Peter behind my back?"

"A little." She didn't seem one bit sorry. Kitty noticed Lara Jean's expression. "Look, Peter called the house last week and I picked up. He needed some reassurance that you hadn't moved on. Then he told me he wanted to see you today after school so I told him I'd stay home. I really should make money as a matchmaker." She said before stuffing her mouth with a cookie.

"You know what?" Peter said as he was pulling out his wallet. Kitty's eyes lit up.

"You owe me twice Kavinsky."

Lara Jean was still standing in front of them with her arms crossed.

"Don't pay her!" She said.

"Don't pay who?" Dr. Covey has come in and no one had realized.

"Oh hi, daddy!" Lara Jean said. "Apparently Kitty and Peter conspired so Peter and I would get back together."

"Aaaaand it worked!" Kitty said beaming before getting off the couch to hug her dad. Peter stood up to greet my dad. "Hi Dr. Covey."

"I think that's great. Lara Jean hasn't been the same without you, Peter. Please, stay for our late dinner. It's my turn to cook but I ran late so pizza it is."

Just like that. Lara Jean felt at peace. This was her normal. Peter by her side.

Peter had to leave at 11 because he had practice the next morning. Lara Jean walked him out to his car.

"Are you happy?" He asked as he was holding her hands.

"Of course I am. Are you happy?" She replied.

"More than you know."

He pulled her in and kissed her. Lara Jean didn't know if it was because she was kissing Peter or if this is how all kissing is like, but she felt so much emotion when their lips met. As much as she wanted to keep their lips locked, she had to set boundaries. She placed a hand on his chest and pushed lightly.

"Peter, I want to take things slow. I know we've been kissing a lot tonight but I don't want you to get the wrong idea." Peter laughed and kissed her forehead.

"So you're not mad?" She asked.

"Why would I be mad? I didn't miss you because we were physical with each other. I missed you for so much more. I can deal with my hand in your back pocket for the rest of my life if you'd let me." Lara Jean blushed.

"There's no reason to be embarrassed, Covey. I won't pressure you into anything. I hope you don't pressure _me_ into anything either." Lara Jean scoffed.

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, _you_ were the one that couldn't keep her hands off of me at the diner." He grinned.

"You're right. But it's only because I've wanted to kiss you for so long." She sealed her words with another kiss.

"I could do this all day, Covey. Unfortunately, I have to go. Save them for later." He kissed her one last time before opening his car door.

"I love you, Lara Jean."

"I love you too, Peter."

She gave him a smile and wave before he closed the door and she watched him drive down the street. With butterflies in her stomach from tonight, she didn't know how she was going to sleep. She hoped that if she thought about Peter enough, he'd creep into her dreams.


	4. Mine Would Be You

A/N

I will incorporate things from the books and movie at different times. From here on out, this is your warning that there may be spoilers SO DON'T READ IF YOU HAVENT READ THE BOOKS.

Peter spent almost everyday at Lara Jean's house during the summer. Her family adored him. Margot was a bit skeptical and had to run him off a couple of times so the sisters could bond and Peter was weirdly afraid of Margot that he did whatever she said. He tried to impress her the most. Subtle things like getting Korean smoothies for them, or one time Margot said she wished she could get a Ravenclaw scarves to take back with her to school and Peter "casually" delivered it to her. Margot was impressed but she still didn't like the fact that Peter's mom had implied that Lara Jean would be the one to hurt Peter and not the other way around. Lara Jean regretted telling Margot about the dinner at Peter's house after they had gotten back together and how Mrs. Kavinsky told Lara Jean to be "gentle with his heart."

Maybe because Margot was the closest thing Lara Jean had to a mother, Margot took it as an insult that Mrs. Kavinsky thought of Lara Jean as another Genevieve. Controlling, manipulative, a wishy-washy teen girl breaking up and making up with her boyfriend. It did hurt Lara Jean to hear Mrs. Kavinsky say that because how could the world not see how lucky she KNEW she was to be with Peter? _Maybe I should wear a sign that says that..._ She thought. They hardly went to his house so Lara Jean didn't have to face Mrs. Kavinsky often. When she did though, Mrs. Kavinsky always greeted her warmly but didn't open herself up to a relationship with Lara Jean. Peter knew how Lara Jean felt so he made sure to make their trips to his house quick when his mom was around.

Lara Jean loved having Peter at her house. Who wouldn't, though? The boy was easy on the eyes and his mom had raised him right. He didn't sit on the couch and waited to be told what to do or expected Lara Jean to wait on him. He was in the middle of whatever was happening; cleaning, cooking, baking, or anything, really. He was perfect. There was only one thing that bugged Lara Jean and that was that Peter would sometimes text with Gen and he'd leave to meet her. Margot didn't like this either.

"Why is he still talking to her?" Margot asked.

"People can break up and stay friends." Lara Jean didn't look up to see her reaction because she knew that Margot and Josh breaking up was still a sore spot.

"True. But to go meet? Why doesn't he take you with him?" She pried.

"I trust Peter. He told me she's going through some stuff at home and he's helping through it. He's a good friend." Lara Jean didn't know if she was trying to convince herself of her own words but hoped it was enough for Margot. She did trust Peter. He'd made an effort to continuously show her this summer that he wanted to be with her... until Gen called and he raced to her rescue.

 _I can't become one of those girls. I know he loves me. She just needs help right now._

But that nagging thought in the back of her head came out every so often:

 _I will always be second best to her._

Margot left for college 3 weeks before classes started for Lara Jean. It was never easier to see her off.

"Only 3 more years of sending her off." Lara Jean's dad said.

"Yeah, hopefully." Kitty said.

"What do you mean?" He replied with a confused look.

"It's Margot. Do you really think she'll ever really come back home after being on her own for so long? I just hope that she at least decides to stay in the states and not overseas when she graduates." Kitty said.

She was right. Margot would probably never move back. Lara Jean hoped that she'd at least decide to live in the states when she graduated. Dr. Covey looked like this was a knew revelation to him and his face changed. Sadness.

"I know you will all leave the nest one day but I hadn't thought about how it's already happening." He sighed. "Could you girls go for some milkshakes? I need some cheering up!"

Kitty and Lara Jean happily agreed.

On the way to the diner, Lara Jean text Peter to tell him they were taking a detour and wouldn't be home for another hour or so.

5 minutes later Peter said that was fine that he was at home helping his mom and he'd be over later that night.

They pulled up to the diner when Kitty enthusiastically said, "Oh, I didn't know that Peter was going to be here!"

"What?" Lara Jean said, she hadn't really been paying attention. She turned to look at what Kitty was talking about and her stomach turned. Peter had said not even 5 minutes ago that he was at home but his Jeep said otherwise. She didn't want to look at the window of the diner for fear of what she was sure had happened. Peter lied. He was actually with Genevieve.

"Oh, yeah. He said he'd be here with a friend." Lara Jean said, hoping she didn't sound hurt and still hadn't looked up because she knew it in her bones.

The three of them got out of the car and walked inside. Lara Jean tried really hard to not show her emotions on her face when she looked up and immediately made eye contact with those eyes she loved so much. Maybe it was her imagination but she wore she saw his smile slightly fade when he saw her.

"Hey Peter!" Kitty didn't even seem to notice that Gen was there as she made her way to his table. He got up and hugged her before shaking Dr. Covey's hand.

"Hey Kitty, Dr. Covey." He said smoothly.

"Mind if we sit with you?" Dr. Covey asked.

"Not at all!" Gen said with the sweetest smile. "I was just leaving. Peter was helping me with a project over our summer reading."

"Dad, I'm going to run out to the car. I left my purse." Lara Jean announced and quickly turned and went out the door to the passenger side, pretending to look for her purse while she gathered herself. She heard the bells of the door ringing, someone had come out after her and she knew who.

"Thank you so much for everything Peter. I'm so glad I can always count on you."

"Any time."

"I know." Lara Jean heard footsteps receding, but in return she heard heavier footsteps approaching her.

Lara Jean "found" her purse and tried to make a break for it because she really did not want to do this right now.

"Lara Jean.. let me explain." He started.

"Explain what? That you lied to me over her? That you're still wrapped around her finger and will run to her when she calls?" Her body was hot.

"She's going-"

"Yeah, I know. She's going through some stuff. We're supposed to trust each other and you can't even tell me what is SO important that she needs you for. I'm supposed to trust you when you flat out lied today?" Her arms crossed and staring at him.

"I know I lied and I'm sorry. I figured you'd get mad if I told you I was meeting Gen. I was going to come clean tonight, I swear." He pleaded. And tried to grab her arms. She quickly blocked him.

"I'm tired of being second best! I need time to think."

"Covey, please. I'm so sorry. I swear-"

"No, Peter! I don't want to do this. Please just leave."

"Covey, don't do this."

"I'm not doing anything. I just need time to think. I need a break. " She said.

"I can't give you a break, Lara Jean. That would destroy me. I need you." He stepped up to her and lifted her chin. She pushed him away and shook her head. He looked hurt.

"No, Peter. You broke my trust. You say you need me but what if I ever need you and Gen needs you at the same time? What would you do then?"

He didn't say anything but looked at her with sad, longing eyes.

"Your silence speaks volumes. Good night, Peter."

"No, Lara Jean-" he made a move to grab her arm when someone else spoke.

"She told you she needed a break, buddy." Josh.

Lara Jean looked shocked. Josh came to stand beside her and put his arm around her. Peter's mouth dropped.

"Are you serious right now?" He said, his voice raised. Lara Jean had an incredulous look on her face.

"You're mad about me and Gen but you're here with your family and this Bon Iver wannabe magically shows up?"

"Peter! Go home!" She said in the loudest voice she had ever used with him.

He looked defeated. "God, you were never second best. I would always choose you." He said, before turning and walking away to his car.

"Just try to get through this with your family, ok?" Josh said. Lara Jean nodded and straightened herself up before opening the door to the diner.

The rest of the time in the diner was a happy time for all. Lara Jean explained that Peter had to go help his mom and that Josh had come to study at the diner before running into her outside. It was the truth. Lara Jean let herself get lost in the conversation all while feeling her pocket vibrate. Josh being with them at the diner was so easy. There was no awkwardness of him not being with Margot. He was the Josh they knew and loved.

Lara Jean avoided checking her phone on the way home. It was only 4pm. She didn't want to her evening ruined when she had promised Kitty they would play Trivial Pursuit before their dad had to go be the OB/GYN on call until 2am.

They had been home maybe 20 minutes when there was a knock at the door and Lara Jean was the only one downstairs. She opened it to find Josh on the other side.

"Hi." He said with a small smile.

"Hey!" She said trying to sound happy. "What are you doing here?"

"Um. Can I talk to you?" He asked.

"Uh. Sure." She shut the door and they walked and sat on the front stairs like they had done countless times throughout the years.

"What'd you want to talk about?" She asked.

"I wanted to say I was sorry that I intervened with you and Kavinsky."

"It's okay. I'm glad you did. I would probably still be in the parking lot listening to his spiel." She chuckled.

"I don't understand what you see in the guy. He doesn't seem to value you." He said.

"I know he cares about me. But he cares about Gen too. I just need time to think about things." She said bringing her knees in To her chest and laying her head on them looking at Josh.

It all happened so quickly that Lara Jean almost didn't believe it happened. Josh leaned forward as Lara Jean turned her head on her knees to look at him and kissed Lara Jean. She immediately registered what was happening and jumped up.

"Josh! What are you doing?!" She exclaimed.

"I haven't been able to stop thinking about you." He stood up. "I thought I was okay but then I keep thinking about what could've been and I'm leaving for college in a week. I just had to see."

"See what exactly?" She demanded.

"I don't know. I'm sorry. It was a mistake."

"Yeah, HUGE." She started to walk back to her door.

"Lara Jean, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

He said with his hands in his pockets.

"I don't know what to say Josh." She opened the door.

"You don't have to say anything. Hopefully I'll see you around before I go." He turned and walked away.

Lara Jean went inside and shut the door. This day had been so weird and she had no clue it was about get weirder.

Kitty had come downstairs and was sitting at the table going through mail.

"Oh hey, I think it's another returned letter of yours." She handed Lara Jean the envelope? But didn't recognize the writing until she read the writing.

 _To: Laura Jean Song Covey_

 _From: John Ambrose McClaren_


	5. 5

**_Hiiiii_**

 ** _Sorry I've been MIA. Life... I currently don't have the books with me to copy word for word what McClaren wrote Lara Jean so that will be different than the book. Also, this will be in Lara Jean's point of view. Hope you enjoy!_**

 _Dear Lara Jean,_

 _I'm not sure when you wrote that letter, it seems weathered. I'm sorry if I haven't responded in a timely matter. It was addressed to my parents' rent house and we hadn't gotten around to picking up our mail from there in awhile. The tenants leave our mail in a metal box outside on their patio table so we can drive and pick it up whenever._

 _I was honestly surprised and very flattered you have (or had?) feelings for me. I'm sorry me moving away never let us explore that further._

 _I have to admit that I have had you on my mind since reading the letter and maybe one day we could get together and reminisce on our childhood. Growing up with you, Genevieve, Peter, Chris, and I can't think of the other guy's name at the moment but I hope you have all stayed friends._

 _Anyway, the return address on this letter is my new address should you feel inclined to write me again._

 _X,_

 _John McClaren_

 **LARA JEAN POV**

I don't know why but I clutched the letter to my chest. A smile crept up to my mouth. After today's events, this was much needed.

BUZZ BUZZ

I look to see who it is. Shocking. It's Peter.

 _Can you please call me?_

 _Lara Jean. Please._

I put my phone out of reach on my dresser and get undressed to shower. I need time to think. I feel raw. I'm glad Daddy isn't home. I don't know why but I don't think I could bear to tell him what's going on with Peter and I. I don't even feel like I can tell Go-go. Her and Josh had a good relationship without any drama, she'd probably say to break up with Peter once and for all. But I'm not Margot. I don't have the ability to cut someone off as easily as she can. I'm definitely more heart over logic.

I step into the shower and let the warm water relax me. My mind immediately wanders.

I really do love Peter but this secret stuff with Gen is too much right now. Why would he lie about where he was? I understand that he's loyal because his dad wasn't, but that can also be a bad thing. And Josh? What do I even do with that? But one good thing came from that kiss, I absolutely do not have any feelings for him. I wish he hadn't done that though, if our relationship was a tiny bit weird since he broke up with Margot, found out I had a crush on him, and then Peter made it sound like I still liked him... *sigh* the kiss just elevated the weirdness to a whole new level.

Then there was the letter from John or Johnny as I so badly wanted to be able to call him when we were growing up. I can't believe he really remembers me. Me. And he said he was SORRY that him moving away stopped us from exploring that. Why did that make me so happy? Maybe it's because that of all the letters, he was the kindest. Lucas was sweet with his rejection but it doesn't even count because he's gay so nothing could happen there. Things with Josh are a complete mess and have been since he got that letter but I knew things could never happen between us since he was Margot's. Peter... he rejected me twice. Once at school when I knocked him over and kissed him so Josh would see and the second time when he went to the diner to make sure I knew things couldn't happen between us. What a jerk. John? He didn't even reject me. He apologized.

BANG BANG

I screamed.

"Lara Jean, I need to take a shower too! Don't use up all the hot water!" Kitty called out.

Guess that means it's time to get out. I hadn't even shampood or scrubbed but I didn't really even need a shower so I think I'll be okay.

I get out and pick out my clothes. Might as well wear PJs because I'm not going anywhere this evening. I head to my dresser to get a loose t-shirt and I have 6 missed calls and 17 texts from Peter. Last one says, _Can I come over? Please??_

I ignore it and look for my sweatpants. Since I cleaned my bedroom things look better but now I can't remember I put stuff. At least when my room was messy I knew where things were.

KNOCK

"Yeah?" I called out.

"Are you still wanting to play or what?" Kitty said.

"Sure, I just finished getting dressed. Did Daddy leave already?" I asked.

"Yes, about 10 minutes ago. He said we could either order pizza when we got hungry or eat leftovers." She said.

"That's fine." I open the door and face Kitty.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Lara Jean, I'm not stupid. I saw how much you changed when you saw Peter at the diner with Gen. I also saw Josh kiss you through the kitchen window." She says this last part looking up not making eye contact with me. My mouth dropped. I go and sit on my bed and bring a pillow to my face.

Kitty comes to sit on the edge. I know she's only 9 but she's so wise for her age.

"Kitty, I don't even know what to do or what to think. Peter lied about where he was today. He told me he was at home when he was actually with Gen. I don't have a problem with him being friends with her but she's so manipulative and he doesn't see it. The thing with Josh. I'm confused and angry. It shouldn't have happened which is why I'm angry. I'm confused because him and I were such good friends before he got with Margot and when he was with her, and now it feels like our friendship will be reduced to nothing all because of my dumb letter."

Once I said it out loud, I felt much better. Kitty sat quiet for a moment before speaking.

"Well, I think that Peter is awesome and you should trust him. But I also don't like that he lied. If he lies about small things, he can lie about big things. As far as Josh goes, you need to tell Go Go."

I groan.

"I know it won't be easy but you have to tell her. Maybe she'll have better advice than me. Plus sisters shouldn't keep secrets, remember?" She was referring to the pact we three Song sisters had made when Margot came home from school and I talked to her about Josh some more and Kitty confessed about sending out the letters. We swore we wouldn't keep secrets if the secret could hurt anyone of us.

"You're right." I said rolling my eyes. The last thing I wanted to do was tell Margot what had happened but she needed to know.

"Okay, so you Skype with Margot and I will finish watching the Sopranos. We can play trivial pursuit another day." She said as she hopped off my bed and walked out. I didn't even get a chance to thank her or scold her for watching a show too mature for her.

I decided to get it over with and call her. It was 7pm our time so it must be 2 am over there. Hmm... maybe I'll wait. If she is up she's probably studying for a quiz or test. Instead I take out the last letter I wrote to Peter. The one I wrote after our fake breakup.

 _Dear Peter Kavinsky,_

 _I don't know how you did it but you did. I fell in love with you again. How?! We weren't even really together. I mean, sure you were sweet to Kitty and my dad loved you. You listened to me and I opened up to you about certain things I normally wouldn't tell people._

 _I couldn't see myself having those conversations with anyone... but you. I'm glad that we had our fake relationship but I'm sad that it's over._

 _I guess I just really wanted to say Thank you. Thank you for getting me out of my comfort zone. Thank you for teaching me that just because someone looks like the most handsome open book, that there's more to him than that._

 _Until we meet again,_

 _Lara Jean Song Covey_

I folded the letter again and left it by my side.

I woke up to the sound of light knocking and it took me a few minutes to register what was happening. I must've fallen asleep because my clock read 9:27pm and my lights were all on. The knocking was coming from the window where the face I was upset with was staring at me and motioning me to open the window. I reluctantly got up and opened it. Peter came in and stood facing me.

"I've been calling you and texting and you haven't answered. I guess you've been sleeping." He reached for my hand but I folded my arms across my chest. I forgot to put on a bra and I was aware of it.

"Peter, what do you want?" I said.

"Can we sit?" He asked.

I nodded and we sat at my bed. Having Peter on my bed made me realize that we hadn't really been in here without my dad being in the house. I instantly felt a rush of heat go through my body. What was wrong with me?

"Peter, my dad will be home soon. If he sees you in here..."

"I know. That's why I parked at the end of the street and came through the window so Kitty wouldn't know. I just wanted to be with you." He said looking me directly in the eye. Why is he so handsome? Why did I have to fall for Peter of all the boys in the world?

"I don't think you have room for me with Gen in the picture. The fact that you lied to me about something you didn't even need to lie about says a lot. You broke our trust for her. I don't know how we can move past this."

"Lara Jean... I don't know what to say. You're right. I was dumb and I didn't want you to be upset that I was seeing her. I just hope you know that I don't love her. I am only being a friend. I would never ever cheat on you. Ever. Ever. I'm so sorry for what I did. I feel like the biggest dick."

Peter doesn't really cuss around me so hearing him say that kind of takes me aback.

"I promise I won't lie to you ever again. I can't not be with you, Covey. I promise I'll draw some boundaries with Gen. I need you." He leaned and placed his right hand under my chin and pulled me in. Why was he so charming? How does he have this hold over me?

"Peter, I- I have to tell you something." I said pulling away and dreading what I was about to say.

He looked at me intently and I wished he would just look away.

I took a deep breath and said, "After we got home, Josh came over to talk to me and he kissed me." Phew. I said it, but Peter looked like smoke was about to come out of his ears.

"Before you say anything, I didn't kiss him back and he admitted it was a mistake and he immediately apologized." Peter stared ahead and didn't say anything.

"Will you say something?" I said.

Peter took a deep breath and calmly turned to me and said, "Can you tell me exactly what happened?"

I felt like I was a toddler being reprimanded but I told him anyway. That seemed to calm him down a little bit.

"I can't say I didn't see it coming. But I'm glad you told me and I guess I'm glad it proved to both of you that you had no feelings for each other. I'm still going to kick his ass next time I see him though." He was staring at his hands while he said this. He was sad.

"Peter, why are you sad?" I asked.

He hesitated.

"Because I can't believe I was stupid enough to let Gen get in between us. I literally gave Sanderson an opportunity to make a move on you."

I moved closer to Peter and placed my arm over his shoulders and lean my head on his shoulder.

"Even if you gave him an "opportunity," doesn't mean I would take it. Obviously I didn't. Because I don't want him. I want you, Peter."

He turned his body so he would be facing me.

"I've never had a boyfriend before, but I did know that I never wanted to be in a drama filled relationship. That's all Gen is, drama."

Peter took a deep breath and let out a big sigh.

"She is drama. I don't deny that. But you know that saying, 'hurt people hurt people?'"

I nodded.

"That's Gen. She puts up a mean front but in reality she's a hurt person. The reason I don't tell you what's happening with her is because it's not my business to tell and I hope that tells you something about me. Does that make sense?"

I wanted to say "no" but I couldn't. _How could someone be so perfect? Not just in looks but in personality?_

"Yes. I never expected you to be this good, Peter. You can't judge a book by its cover."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I mean, you're gorgeous. You're popular. You were with Gen-" Peter's squinted his eyes but I continued, "you really are too good to be true."

"You know that you are too, right?" He said with his eyebrows raised.

"I am what?" I said confused.

"Too good to be true." I scrunched my face up, thinking about what he said slowly shook my head 'no.'

Peter chuckled. He took my hand in his and looked ahead as if he couldn't believe what I just said.

"How do you not see it? Lara Jean," he repositioned himself to face me. "I get what you're saying. That I'm a "jock" and there's stereotypes that come with it. You also carry a stereotype of being a goody two-shoes, impeccable taste in clothes, nothing about you is bad. Sometimes some of those things that come with the stereotype aren't true but you, you're the real deal. You are good to your core. Look at you and Gen. She has been mean and hateful towards you since 8th grade but you didn't return the favor. You stayed kind and true to your nature. You're also so SO beautiful and it kills me that you don't see it."

"Wha- I - what do you mean?"

"You mention that Gen is gorgeous from time to time but you say it as if you can't compare. Like you're some plain Jane compared to her. Look at you! Gen can't even compare."

I blush. I don't know what to say.

"I don't mean to sound insecure Peter, I just have never gotten attention from guys. Gen always has, I figured that told everyone around who was attractive and who wasn't. I don't think I'm ugly, I'm just not like WOW, you know?"

Peter chuckled.

"No Covey, I don't know. But I know a few guys who wanted to date you and were intimidated by you. You actually turned one down. After that, guys were intimidated. It meant they needed to put in work and you know one thing teenage boys love to do right?"

Well... no I thought to myself. "What?"

"Put in work on their relationship." He laughed. I rolled my eyes and lightly pushed him away.

He tried to return to his serious face. "I'm serious Covey. You're amazing." With that he placed his hand on my cheek and pulled me in for a kiss.

Heat flowed in my body and I was very aware we were practically alone. But his lips were so soft. I couldn't stop. I didn't want to.

He pulled away and I groaned.

"Woah Covey," he said with a grin.

"I gotta get going. Your dad will be home soon."

I bit my lip but understood.

"Yeah. You should go." I reluctantly said.

He got up to head out the window ago but turned to face me first.

"I really do love you Lara Jean. I wouldn't leave if I didn't."

I blushed. Part of me didn't want him to leave. But then again, I don't find losing your virginity with fear of being caught by your dad that romantic so out the window he goes.

"I love you too Peter."


End file.
